I anticipate this post to have multiple parts in the next weeks and months. I hope they're all amusing- there's much humor to be found from participating in sites like this. My friend Kelly often posts amusing tidbits about her experiences on Match as well...including the part where she was accidentally listed as a man for seven years! Thankfully, I have avoided that particular faux pas.
I joined Match a number of months ago, when I decided to move to Denver. I largely ignored the account until I actually moved, in December. Despite being contacted immediately by a 26 year old wearing a wife beater and some interesting tattoos, who had never been married and had 5 children, I pressed on. I find it fascinating how many guys have this profile that states how much they hate it when people never reply to them, because, how can you know just from a cursory look at a profile that someone isn't what you're looking for, and yet, I never hear back from them after emailing. And yes, I know they've read my messages. Hey guys, you dudes friendzone females as much as, if not more than, we friendzone you, so how about dropping the double standard?
In January, I wound up catching the eye of two different people, and texted back and forth a bit for a few days. After about three days, one got a little inappropriate, and when I responded by telling him I'm quite the prude, I never heard from him again. It was more than a little amusing! The other one, I wound up meeting at Starbucks one evening. It turned out that there was no relationship potential between us, but we have remained friends, and text and hang out. Thank you, Match.com, for providing me with my first post-move Colorado friend!
I think my two most interesting encounters on Match thus far have been the following: 1. I got a chat one night from a barber in California who was fascinated by my haircut. He kept asking me questions- just about my hair- and then he disappeared. I wasn't disappointed, but I did find it funny that someone would pay to be on Match, and then strike up random conversations with people about their haircuts. Market research, maybe? Who knows. 2. A few weeks ago, I received an email from another user, consisting solely of his real name, phone number, and "let's talk." While that's not a great way to win a lady's interest in the first place, the dude was 58. He looked quite middle class, and also looked about 65 or older. It's true, I may consider some people more than a few years my senior, but let's face it: My parents are old enough to be my grandparents. If the dude is too old to be my parents' child, he's TOO OLD. For one thing, that's just too weird for me. For another, I'm not looking to become a widow at 50.
One reason I got a membership on Match was because Denver is a big enough city that Match actually has sponsored events, where people can meet each other in safe and interesting settings. I thought it would be a good way for me to get out, meet some single people- in an environment where guys are actually looking for something- and get to know the city a little. So far, I've bought tickets for two happy hour mixers, and one haunted pub tour of Denver's old red light district. Chilan is actually joining me on that one- it should be fun, and I'm sure there will be a post about it!
My first such event happened last Thursday. I arrived at my destination, and very nearly turned around and just went home. Going into a room full of people I didn't know, with the intent of meeting single guys, was more than a little terrifying to this 32 year old, INTJ, homeschooled, formerly committed to courtship ex-fundy who has never dated, and has more than a few social issues. However, I forced myself to go inside. It actually wasn't as awful as I expected. I was greeted by a Match staff member, who handed me a name tag, and told me to write the name of the last song I'd heard on the tag, rather than my name. It was supposed to be an ice breaker. Well, I had one heck of a time trying to remember which song that was, because I have mostly been listening to podcasts since July 1st. The last one I could think of, was "Some Nights," by F.U.N. Not a bad song, and definitely better than the one the poor guy who came in right in front of me had. His was "Rape Me," by Nirvana. I think I would have chosen another song. In any case, I walked into the room, got a drink, and stood there, wondering what the heck I should do next. Luckily, I wasn't left wondering for long, as a very nice guy came up and started talking to me. I was sad to learn that I had missed a Cards Against Humanity mixer a couple months ago. That would have been hilariously awesome. He moved on after a bit, but it gave me a bit of confidence. Not too long later, two other guys walked up and started talking to me. One's name was Oscar, and he even had a picture of Oscar the Grouch on his phone as his wallpaper. Gotta appreciate a sense of humor like that. Finally, I wound up talking to a Ukranian who had moved to the US when he was eleven years old. I managed to impress him with my Russian speaking abilities, past visit to Russia, and knowledge of the USSR and Cold War. Who knew that would come in handy outside the university setting? I left for home around 9:15, proud of myself for actually forcing myself to do something, and rather pleased with the results. A few days later, I heard from one of the guys I had spoken to. Turns out, I got a date out of the evening (no, I'm not saying who- I'm going to be keeping relationship details on here scarce for a myriad of reasons). I'm freaking terrified. But it'll be a good experience for me to get out there and start dating, for the first time in my life. I'd rather not be single the rest of my life, so I'm finally being proactive about things.
While not every blog post I ever write will directly link back to the idea of being Dauntless, this one does. It takes courage for anyone to do something like this. Especially someone with my background and social issues. The psychologist who did my Autism diagnosis challenged me to start dating. It scares the hell out of me. For one thing, it involves meeting new people and getting way out of my comfort zone. For another, it involves the possibility of getting my heart ripped out and stomped on again. It involves making myself vulnerable to hurt and rejection and who knows what else. I am ready to start a relationship with someone else. I am ready to think about a future with someone else. Taking steps like these makes me feel like Tris, climbing up on that ledge, and jumping into the chasm with an unseen bottom. I don't know what's waiting for me at the bottom. I'm trusting that I'm not leaping to my death. Right now, that leap is exactly what I need. So for now, I stand on the ledge, close my eyes...and leap.
(Just a note for anyone freaked out about the prospect of me doing online dating...whenever I meet someone I don't know, a friend always knows where I'm going, when I'm going, who I'm going with, and when they should check in on me- I do keep it pretty safe and smart.)
I joined Match a number of months ago, when I decided to move to Denver. I largely ignored the account until I actually moved, in December. Despite being contacted immediately by a 26 year old wearing a wife beater and some interesting tattoos, who had never been married and had 5 children, I pressed on. I find it fascinating how many guys have this profile that states how much they hate it when people never reply to them, because, how can you know just from a cursory look at a profile that someone isn't what you're looking for, and yet, I never hear back from them after emailing. And yes, I know they've read my messages. Hey guys, you dudes friendzone females as much as, if not more than, we friendzone you, so how about dropping the double standard?
In January, I wound up catching the eye of two different people, and texted back and forth a bit for a few days. After about three days, one got a little inappropriate, and when I responded by telling him I'm quite the prude, I never heard from him again. It was more than a little amusing! The other one, I wound up meeting at Starbucks one evening. It turned out that there was no relationship potential between us, but we have remained friends, and text and hang out. Thank you, Match.com, for providing me with my first post-move Colorado friend!
I think my two most interesting encounters on Match thus far have been the following: 1. I got a chat one night from a barber in California who was fascinated by my haircut. He kept asking me questions- just about my hair- and then he disappeared. I wasn't disappointed, but I did find it funny that someone would pay to be on Match, and then strike up random conversations with people about their haircuts. Market research, maybe? Who knows. 2. A few weeks ago, I received an email from another user, consisting solely of his real name, phone number, and "let's talk." While that's not a great way to win a lady's interest in the first place, the dude was 58. He looked quite middle class, and also looked about 65 or older. It's true, I may consider some people more than a few years my senior, but let's face it: My parents are old enough to be my grandparents. If the dude is too old to be my parents' child, he's TOO OLD. For one thing, that's just too weird for me. For another, I'm not looking to become a widow at 50.
One reason I got a membership on Match was because Denver is a big enough city that Match actually has sponsored events, where people can meet each other in safe and interesting settings. I thought it would be a good way for me to get out, meet some single people- in an environment where guys are actually looking for something- and get to know the city a little. So far, I've bought tickets for two happy hour mixers, and one haunted pub tour of Denver's old red light district. Chilan is actually joining me on that one- it should be fun, and I'm sure there will be a post about it!
My first such event happened last Thursday. I arrived at my destination, and very nearly turned around and just went home. Going into a room full of people I didn't know, with the intent of meeting single guys, was more than a little terrifying to this 32 year old, INTJ, homeschooled, formerly committed to courtship ex-fundy who has never dated, and has more than a few social issues. However, I forced myself to go inside. It actually wasn't as awful as I expected. I was greeted by a Match staff member, who handed me a name tag, and told me to write the name of the last song I'd heard on the tag, rather than my name. It was supposed to be an ice breaker. Well, I had one heck of a time trying to remember which song that was, because I have mostly been listening to podcasts since July 1st. The last one I could think of, was "Some Nights," by F.U.N. Not a bad song, and definitely better than the one the poor guy who came in right in front of me had. His was "Rape Me," by Nirvana. I think I would have chosen another song. In any case, I walked into the room, got a drink, and stood there, wondering what the heck I should do next. Luckily, I wasn't left wondering for long, as a very nice guy came up and started talking to me. I was sad to learn that I had missed a Cards Against Humanity mixer a couple months ago. That would have been hilariously awesome. He moved on after a bit, but it gave me a bit of confidence. Not too long later, two other guys walked up and started talking to me. One's name was Oscar, and he even had a picture of Oscar the Grouch on his phone as his wallpaper. Gotta appreciate a sense of humor like that. Finally, I wound up talking to a Ukranian who had moved to the US when he was eleven years old. I managed to impress him with my Russian speaking abilities, past visit to Russia, and knowledge of the USSR and Cold War. Who knew that would come in handy outside the university setting? I left for home around 9:15, proud of myself for actually forcing myself to do something, and rather pleased with the results. A few days later, I heard from one of the guys I had spoken to. Turns out, I got a date out of the evening (no, I'm not saying who- I'm going to be keeping relationship details on here scarce for a myriad of reasons). I'm freaking terrified. But it'll be a good experience for me to get out there and start dating, for the first time in my life. I'd rather not be single the rest of my life, so I'm finally being proactive about things.
While not every blog post I ever write will directly link back to the idea of being Dauntless, this one does. It takes courage for anyone to do something like this. Especially someone with my background and social issues. The psychologist who did my Autism diagnosis challenged me to start dating. It scares the hell out of me. For one thing, it involves meeting new people and getting way out of my comfort zone. For another, it involves the possibility of getting my heart ripped out and stomped on again. It involves making myself vulnerable to hurt and rejection and who knows what else. I am ready to start a relationship with someone else. I am ready to think about a future with someone else. Taking steps like these makes me feel like Tris, climbing up on that ledge, and jumping into the chasm with an unseen bottom. I don't know what's waiting for me at the bottom. I'm trusting that I'm not leaping to my death. Right now, that leap is exactly what I need. So for now, I stand on the ledge, close my eyes...and leap.
(Just a note for anyone freaked out about the prospect of me doing online dating...whenever I meet someone I don't know, a friend always knows where I'm going, when I'm going, who I'm going with, and when they should check in on me- I do keep it pretty safe and smart.)
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