Most of you heard about the warehouse fire in California a few weeks ago. Many of you know that one of my family members, Micah Danemayer, was there performing, and died. Micah was the 28 year old son of my cousin, Chris. I'm one of the youngest cousins in the huge brood of Reynolds grandkids, and Chris is one of the oldest. As a result, Chris was grown and gone before I was really even born. He and his wife raised their kids in the Boston area, and we were in Cincinnati, so I very rarely saw them. But we were very close to Chris's parents, Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob. Aunt Mary is one of my dad's older sisters, and she pretty much raised him. She got him through school, where he struggled greatly, likely with undiagnosed learning disabilities- in the 1940s and 50s. She took care of him when he was sick, and generally taught him just about everything he knows about life. Or so my dad says. Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob were my brother's godparents, and we saw them a lot. A LOT. Their middle son, Tony, never left the area, and I knew him well when I was a kid.
Most of you also know that the very next weekend, my cousin Katie's son, Jason, was killed in a bad car accident. Katie is the second child of my dad's oldest sister, Pat, who is the sister just ahead of Aunt Mary in birth order. Jason was 35, yes, two years older than I am. That's what happens when you're the second youngest of a million grandkids, and the several oldest are married and gone by the time you're born. Your cousins have a few kids older than you. I think there are only 3 or 4 of those. I don't think I'd ever met Jason, nor did I know much about him at all. We weren't as close to Aunt Pat's family when I was a kid. Jason had two little girls- 4 and not quite 2- and a fiance who he'd been with for nearly a decade, and ran his electrical business with. He died in the middle of the night, when he and an employee were driving on 275 in Northern Kentucky. A semi driver fell asleep, and barreled into Jason's truck. Jason died on impact, and in a freak twist, his employee survived, because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He was immediately thrown through the windshield, and landed on the grassy hillside where their truck had been pushed. He was treated for non-life-threatening injuries, and released from the hospital the same day. Had he been wearing his seatbelt, he likely would have also died on impact. The last I heard, the truck driver was being held on charges of involuntary manslaughter.
These two deaths left our family reeling. Never before had we had two freak deaths of young people in such a short period of time- just over a week apart. Of all of the grandkids, only three have died young: my brother, my cousin Sue, and my cousin Janet. My brother's death was a shock. We had no idea it was coming, and he was only 19. Sue was in her late 40s or early 50s, and had died of a very rare blood disease she'd had since birth. She actually lived much longer than anyone thought she would. Janet's life had been really hard, and she wound up dying in her 40s, of liver failure. That wasn't a huge shock though, either. We did have one other cousin's kid die a few months ago- Jessica, who was actually Janet's daughter. She was about 20, and grew up in Florida, mostly raised by her grandparents, my dad's second oldest brother, Jim, and his wife, Lois. While her death was sudden, it wasn't a shock. She had a chronic heart condition that was fairly unpredictable. She could have lived decades longer, or she could have died sooner. She was able to live a fairly normal life. I actually had met Jessica when she was a little girl, and we visited my aunt and uncle in Florida. She was a happy, sweet kid. Hers didn't hit me so hard, because of two things: 1. He heard condition, 2. Her mom is already gone, and I never met her dad, nor do I know anything about him.
When Micah died, I felt a punch in the gut, immediately worrying about his parents, Chris and Pam. My mom had called Chris, because, well, Mom knows what it's like to lose a young adult son. She said Chris was as well as he could be. They hadn't found Micah's body yet, but they knew he was dead. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I've been in the family where the kid dies. I've watched my parents grieve. I have walked that Hell, and I have watched that Hell. And it's overwhelming. To think of people I know, people I love, and people who share the same bloodline as me going through that stirs up a kind of grief in me that's hard to explain. The same thing happened when Jason died. Well, that, on top of, "What the HECK is happening right now?!"
Then, on top of all of that, deaths like these tend to dredge up my own grief. It often lies dormant, for years at a time, even, But then, things like this pop up, and yep, there it is again. It never really goes away. You just get better at dealing with it. Every single birthday and Christmas, and minor event no longer bring it all up. Even every death anniversary. May 28th has never passed without me noticing, but they don't all catch me in the gut. Sure, huge things- significant weddings, graduations, etc get me. But those, we know are coming. Those, I can prepare for. But sudden deaths like these? They catch me off guard, and hit me with so many different kinds of grief, it's hard to even fully process.
Today marks 3 weeks since Micah died, and Sunday will mark 2 weeks since Jason died. Thankfully, we got through last weekend with no deaths in the family. Things have settled a bit for us, and for me. I should be able to celebrate Christmas and the New Year without being overwhelmed too much by all of this. But it's funny how death can hit us in ways we don't always expect. I guess, though, that's partly how we gain our appreciation for life.
Most of you also know that the very next weekend, my cousin Katie's son, Jason, was killed in a bad car accident. Katie is the second child of my dad's oldest sister, Pat, who is the sister just ahead of Aunt Mary in birth order. Jason was 35, yes, two years older than I am. That's what happens when you're the second youngest of a million grandkids, and the several oldest are married and gone by the time you're born. Your cousins have a few kids older than you. I think there are only 3 or 4 of those. I don't think I'd ever met Jason, nor did I know much about him at all. We weren't as close to Aunt Pat's family when I was a kid. Jason had two little girls- 4 and not quite 2- and a fiance who he'd been with for nearly a decade, and ran his electrical business with. He died in the middle of the night, when he and an employee were driving on 275 in Northern Kentucky. A semi driver fell asleep, and barreled into Jason's truck. Jason died on impact, and in a freak twist, his employee survived, because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. He was immediately thrown through the windshield, and landed on the grassy hillside where their truck had been pushed. He was treated for non-life-threatening injuries, and released from the hospital the same day. Had he been wearing his seatbelt, he likely would have also died on impact. The last I heard, the truck driver was being held on charges of involuntary manslaughter.
These two deaths left our family reeling. Never before had we had two freak deaths of young people in such a short period of time- just over a week apart. Of all of the grandkids, only three have died young: my brother, my cousin Sue, and my cousin Janet. My brother's death was a shock. We had no idea it was coming, and he was only 19. Sue was in her late 40s or early 50s, and had died of a very rare blood disease she'd had since birth. She actually lived much longer than anyone thought she would. Janet's life had been really hard, and she wound up dying in her 40s, of liver failure. That wasn't a huge shock though, either. We did have one other cousin's kid die a few months ago- Jessica, who was actually Janet's daughter. She was about 20, and grew up in Florida, mostly raised by her grandparents, my dad's second oldest brother, Jim, and his wife, Lois. While her death was sudden, it wasn't a shock. She had a chronic heart condition that was fairly unpredictable. She could have lived decades longer, or she could have died sooner. She was able to live a fairly normal life. I actually had met Jessica when she was a little girl, and we visited my aunt and uncle in Florida. She was a happy, sweet kid. Hers didn't hit me so hard, because of two things: 1. He heard condition, 2. Her mom is already gone, and I never met her dad, nor do I know anything about him.
When Micah died, I felt a punch in the gut, immediately worrying about his parents, Chris and Pam. My mom had called Chris, because, well, Mom knows what it's like to lose a young adult son. She said Chris was as well as he could be. They hadn't found Micah's body yet, but they knew he was dead. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I've been in the family where the kid dies. I've watched my parents grieve. I have walked that Hell, and I have watched that Hell. And it's overwhelming. To think of people I know, people I love, and people who share the same bloodline as me going through that stirs up a kind of grief in me that's hard to explain. The same thing happened when Jason died. Well, that, on top of, "What the HECK is happening right now?!"
Then, on top of all of that, deaths like these tend to dredge up my own grief. It often lies dormant, for years at a time, even, But then, things like this pop up, and yep, there it is again. It never really goes away. You just get better at dealing with it. Every single birthday and Christmas, and minor event no longer bring it all up. Even every death anniversary. May 28th has never passed without me noticing, but they don't all catch me in the gut. Sure, huge things- significant weddings, graduations, etc get me. But those, we know are coming. Those, I can prepare for. But sudden deaths like these? They catch me off guard, and hit me with so many different kinds of grief, it's hard to even fully process.
Today marks 3 weeks since Micah died, and Sunday will mark 2 weeks since Jason died. Thankfully, we got through last weekend with no deaths in the family. Things have settled a bit for us, and for me. I should be able to celebrate Christmas and the New Year without being overwhelmed too much by all of this. But it's funny how death can hit us in ways we don't always expect. I guess, though, that's partly how we gain our appreciation for life.
