I've gotten to a better place. There's no doubting that. I can't say I'm happy about life overall, but it's definitely gotten better. Most of my days are okay. Some of my days are good. The bad days are fewer and farther between. Today is a bad day. It shouldn't be. I woke up after sleeping in, because I'm off today. I was behind on sleep, so I got caught up. I don't know what makes the difference between waking up happy or okay, and waking up sad. It's...something. Maybe it's emotional. Maybe it's chemical. Maybe it's a combination of the two.
I should be happy about some time to catch up on my online teaching, catch up on some cleaning around the house, and then going to Mandi's to hang out, and then have dinner with her family and some others. But I'm not. I'm just...overwhelmingly sad. It's frustrating, because I feel like I should have a specific reason for feeling like this. I don't. I have no idea why I feel like this. I know it's part of depression, which I definitely have. But so much of this just doesn't make a ton of sense. I suppose it is what it is. I just have to take the bad days with the okay days. Though it's days like this that I really miss having someone to hold me and tell me it's okay. To tell me they're here with me. That they love me and will help me through. It's something that makes all the difference in the world. And I really hope I get that again. For real though. Not just for a little while until they spook.
So how do I get through today? I guess...I work on my class, I get dressed, I get something to eat, and I go to Mandi's. I get a hug, I play with two happy little boys (Mandi watches another friend's baby a few days a week...), maybe manage a good talk with an old friend. Have a great dinner, go home, go to sleep, get up, and go to work and go through my day tomorrow. Sometimes, that's all we can do. It's not glamorous, it's just life.
I should be happy about some time to catch up on my online teaching, catch up on some cleaning around the house, and then going to Mandi's to hang out, and then have dinner with her family and some others. But I'm not. I'm just...overwhelmingly sad. It's frustrating, because I feel like I should have a specific reason for feeling like this. I don't. I have no idea why I feel like this. I know it's part of depression, which I definitely have. But so much of this just doesn't make a ton of sense. I suppose it is what it is. I just have to take the bad days with the okay days. Though it's days like this that I really miss having someone to hold me and tell me it's okay. To tell me they're here with me. That they love me and will help me through. It's something that makes all the difference in the world. And I really hope I get that again. For real though. Not just for a little while until they spook.
So how do I get through today? I guess...I work on my class, I get dressed, I get something to eat, and I go to Mandi's. I get a hug, I play with two happy little boys (Mandi watches another friend's baby a few days a week...), maybe manage a good talk with an old friend. Have a great dinner, go home, go to sleep, get up, and go to work and go through my day tomorrow. Sometimes, that's all we can do. It's not glamorous, it's just life.
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