It happens to all of us, at one time or another. We have a pretty good day and a nice evening. Maybe we're just in an unusually good mood for whatever reason. Maybe everything went well that day, and we're particularly productive. Maybe we have a great day with friends or people we love. Or maybe we have another good day for any of a thousand different reasons. We go to bed, sleep well, and then we wake up. But instead of waking up happy or content, for some reason, we wake up bummed, depressed, or any of a dozen other not-so-fantastic feelings. And we stare at the ceiling, or out the window, and wonder...why?
This is one of those mornings for me. I keep having this classic song going through my head this morning. It's been there pretty much since I woke up at 7. I have no reason to feel down today. Yesterday was a really good day. I got to sleep in, I went to work for a little while, worked out my schedule, met with my boss, went home and did a fantastic amount of cleaning and organizing, and even did a little coloring. I chatted with friends, ran some errands, and went to The Bluegrass, LLC in Old Towne Arvada to hear my friend Jim's band play. It was fun. I was there with my very old-but-new-again friend Mandi (we were besties for 7 years as teenagers/early twenties, but then mostly lost touch for about 9 years before ending up in the same city as thirty-somethings) and her very lively son, Knightly, and new friends Beth and Stephen. I had a great gluten free pizza, some good conversation, listened to awesome music, and generally had a really good time. Came home, chilled with some Doctor Who, caught up on a couple emails, and then Skyped with my crazy friend CJ. I went to bed feeling like it had been a really great day, and slept all night, for the first time in I don't even know how long- probably since July 1st, without any sleeping aids.
But then I woke up. And I was just sad. Maybe I had sad or disturbing dreams while I was sleeping. I don't remember. All I know is that I woke up, and I just felt...heavy. Sad. Decidedly unhappy. One of the first things I thought was the lyrics to the above linked song. "Mama said there'd be days like this..." We all know it's a fact of life. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, we wake up feeling sad. And we would rather not adult that day. Or hell, we'd sometimes rather not even human that day. But it's just part of being alive. It's part of being a human being. And yeah, it sucks.
At the end of the day though, it all comes down to how we handle it. For me, I got up for a few minutes, turned down the heat (which for some reason was set too high), washed my face, drank some water, let in the sunlight, lit a couple candles on my dresser, and climbed back in bed. Then I grabbed my laptop, and started writing. It's an amazing release and means of processing. I'm never disappointed by the understanding and insight I gain through writing things down- whether I'm writing an academic paper, or a blog post. Somehow, writing helps the world seem less overwhelming. Or, sometimes, more. It depends. But even when it makes things seem overwhelming, it brings to the surface things I had no idea were such a big deal, to the point that I can process them and move on. This time, it's more of the former.
So I lie here in my bed, under my covers, writing about my "day like this." It helps, and I think about how I'll try to nap again in a minute, then get up, pay particular attention to my clothes and makeup today (as I always do on "blah" days...it helps), and go to meet my friends Chilan and Vien for a great day. I know I'll feel better by the time I go to bed. It's just a matter of getting through this feeling for now, and not letting it hold me down all day. It might seem simple, but even the steps I've taken, and plan on taking yet today take courage and strength. It's so easy to just give into the crappy feelings and decide the day is going to suck, and there's nothing we can do about it. And yet, while attitude is not, in fact, everything, it is a HUGE part of things. My dear friend Kelly often says, "I hope you are trying to have a good day." I love that. Attitude is a lot, but as I said, and contrary to what people sometimes like to say, it isn't everything. Sometimes, things just suck, and we can do everything in our power, and they still suck. Other things have to fall into place. But what about when they're there? Or almost there, and all it takes is a little bit of a good attitude? I'm not talking about Pollyana optimism here. Just the good old emotional elbow grease of "Yeah, I feel crappy, but I really have all the makings for a good day, so I'm going to do my darndest to have one." Or, "Yeah, things aren't great, but they're not horrible either, so let's make the best of it." And trying to have a good day can be scary. Because it requires stepping out of the comfortable little cocoon of "Poor me, life sucks." Sometimes it's just easier to retreat into that little, dark oyster shell and bah humbug it all.
But today, I'm not going to. Yesterday was a great day. Today has all the ingredients. I just have to muster up the wherewithal to say, "Yep, there are days like this. This is one of them. So what?" And move on. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
This is one of those mornings for me. I keep having this classic song going through my head this morning. It's been there pretty much since I woke up at 7. I have no reason to feel down today. Yesterday was a really good day. I got to sleep in, I went to work for a little while, worked out my schedule, met with my boss, went home and did a fantastic amount of cleaning and organizing, and even did a little coloring. I chatted with friends, ran some errands, and went to The Bluegrass, LLC in Old Towne Arvada to hear my friend Jim's band play. It was fun. I was there with my very old-but-new-again friend Mandi (we were besties for 7 years as teenagers/early twenties, but then mostly lost touch for about 9 years before ending up in the same city as thirty-somethings) and her very lively son, Knightly, and new friends Beth and Stephen. I had a great gluten free pizza, some good conversation, listened to awesome music, and generally had a really good time. Came home, chilled with some Doctor Who, caught up on a couple emails, and then Skyped with my crazy friend CJ. I went to bed feeling like it had been a really great day, and slept all night, for the first time in I don't even know how long- probably since July 1st, without any sleeping aids.
But then I woke up. And I was just sad. Maybe I had sad or disturbing dreams while I was sleeping. I don't remember. All I know is that I woke up, and I just felt...heavy. Sad. Decidedly unhappy. One of the first things I thought was the lyrics to the above linked song. "Mama said there'd be days like this..." We all know it's a fact of life. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, we wake up feeling sad. And we would rather not adult that day. Or hell, we'd sometimes rather not even human that day. But it's just part of being alive. It's part of being a human being. And yeah, it sucks.
At the end of the day though, it all comes down to how we handle it. For me, I got up for a few minutes, turned down the heat (which for some reason was set too high), washed my face, drank some water, let in the sunlight, lit a couple candles on my dresser, and climbed back in bed. Then I grabbed my laptop, and started writing. It's an amazing release and means of processing. I'm never disappointed by the understanding and insight I gain through writing things down- whether I'm writing an academic paper, or a blog post. Somehow, writing helps the world seem less overwhelming. Or, sometimes, more. It depends. But even when it makes things seem overwhelming, it brings to the surface things I had no idea were such a big deal, to the point that I can process them and move on. This time, it's more of the former.
So I lie here in my bed, under my covers, writing about my "day like this." It helps, and I think about how I'll try to nap again in a minute, then get up, pay particular attention to my clothes and makeup today (as I always do on "blah" days...it helps), and go to meet my friends Chilan and Vien for a great day. I know I'll feel better by the time I go to bed. It's just a matter of getting through this feeling for now, and not letting it hold me down all day. It might seem simple, but even the steps I've taken, and plan on taking yet today take courage and strength. It's so easy to just give into the crappy feelings and decide the day is going to suck, and there's nothing we can do about it. And yet, while attitude is not, in fact, everything, it is a HUGE part of things. My dear friend Kelly often says, "I hope you are trying to have a good day." I love that. Attitude is a lot, but as I said, and contrary to what people sometimes like to say, it isn't everything. Sometimes, things just suck, and we can do everything in our power, and they still suck. Other things have to fall into place. But what about when they're there? Or almost there, and all it takes is a little bit of a good attitude? I'm not talking about Pollyana optimism here. Just the good old emotional elbow grease of "Yeah, I feel crappy, but I really have all the makings for a good day, so I'm going to do my darndest to have one." Or, "Yeah, things aren't great, but they're not horrible either, so let's make the best of it." And trying to have a good day can be scary. Because it requires stepping out of the comfortable little cocoon of "Poor me, life sucks." Sometimes it's just easier to retreat into that little, dark oyster shell and bah humbug it all.
But today, I'm not going to. Yesterday was a great day. Today has all the ingredients. I just have to muster up the wherewithal to say, "Yep, there are days like this. This is one of them. So what?" And move on. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
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