Where I am right now is about the last place I ever expected to be this year, as 2015 turns into 2016. I'm sitting on the couch of a newly reconnected with former best friend, who is younger than I am, as I babysit her 4 year old son, to earn some much needed extra money. In my 21 years of babysitting, I have never babysat for anyone younger than me, nor did I ever expect to be the paid sitter for someone who was my best friend for 7 years, waaaay back in the day. It's weird. But then again, so is everything about my life right now.
And so I sit, pondering the significance of this year becoming last year, and next year becoming this year. 2015 began better for me than any previous year ever had, and the first six months were absolutely amazing. For the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to the year ahead, as 2014 turned to 2015. But the last half of 2015 (exactly- beginning on July 1st), turned out to be the worst hell I have ever had to survive in my life. It has been, to say the least, a year of extremes. I have been both the happiest I have ever been in my life, and the most upset, heartbroken, angry, and depressed, I have ever been in my life. Things are better than they were, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the day fighting back tears. This has probably been the hardest day for me in the last week.
So I sit here, in a place I never in my life expected to be, and wonder about 2016. I don't know much, but one thing I do know is that 2016 is definitely going to be different. New apartment, new state, new job in a new field, new people, new things, and a lot of letting go. Is this where I would have chosen to be? No. Absolutely not. This isn't how I wanted the year to end. Not by a long shot. But I took what I was given, and I did the best with it that I could, given my circumstances, and I moved here. This isn't even how I wanted tonight to go, after I moved here. I had planned to spend the evening and weekend with a friend, who was hoping on coming up. I'm sure we would have done something amazing. But he wound up not being able to make it. So instead of sitting home alone- which would not have been good at all- I chose to help out an old friend and make some much needed money. And hey, I got some pretty good babysitting quotes for Facebook, too.
Funny, pretty much nothing about the last year and a half has been expected. My car accident last fall. Meeting him. Falling in love with him. Not getting into the Ph.D. program at Carnegie-Mellon. Him breaking up with me. Certain other things that followed. Moving to Denver. Going airborne in a moving truck. Not going home for Christmas, being here for New Year's Eve. I honestly don't know what to expect in the coming year, either. It will be interesting to see where I am at this time next year. I hope beyond all hope that I'm in a better place in life. I'm definitely doing everything within my power to make that happen.
2016 will kick off with something brand new, that I have never done before. And yeah, it's an extremely Dauntless thing to do. But I'm going to wait to post about that until tomorrow evening. Then on Monday, I go sign papers and work out details and a schedule for my new job. We'll see how that all goes. Just my first week is going to take a lot of being brave. But I'm going to do it. And you know what? I think maybe, just maybe, this might turn out to be a good year, after all.
And so I sit, pondering the significance of this year becoming last year, and next year becoming this year. 2015 began better for me than any previous year ever had, and the first six months were absolutely amazing. For the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to the year ahead, as 2014 turned to 2015. But the last half of 2015 (exactly- beginning on July 1st), turned out to be the worst hell I have ever had to survive in my life. It has been, to say the least, a year of extremes. I have been both the happiest I have ever been in my life, and the most upset, heartbroken, angry, and depressed, I have ever been in my life. Things are better than they were, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the day fighting back tears. This has probably been the hardest day for me in the last week.
So I sit here, in a place I never in my life expected to be, and wonder about 2016. I don't know much, but one thing I do know is that 2016 is definitely going to be different. New apartment, new state, new job in a new field, new people, new things, and a lot of letting go. Is this where I would have chosen to be? No. Absolutely not. This isn't how I wanted the year to end. Not by a long shot. But I took what I was given, and I did the best with it that I could, given my circumstances, and I moved here. This isn't even how I wanted tonight to go, after I moved here. I had planned to spend the evening and weekend with a friend, who was hoping on coming up. I'm sure we would have done something amazing. But he wound up not being able to make it. So instead of sitting home alone- which would not have been good at all- I chose to help out an old friend and make some much needed money. And hey, I got some pretty good babysitting quotes for Facebook, too.
Funny, pretty much nothing about the last year and a half has been expected. My car accident last fall. Meeting him. Falling in love with him. Not getting into the Ph.D. program at Carnegie-Mellon. Him breaking up with me. Certain other things that followed. Moving to Denver. Going airborne in a moving truck. Not going home for Christmas, being here for New Year's Eve. I honestly don't know what to expect in the coming year, either. It will be interesting to see where I am at this time next year. I hope beyond all hope that I'm in a better place in life. I'm definitely doing everything within my power to make that happen.
2016 will kick off with something brand new, that I have never done before. And yeah, it's an extremely Dauntless thing to do. But I'm going to wait to post about that until tomorrow evening. Then on Monday, I go sign papers and work out details and a schedule for my new job. We'll see how that all goes. Just my first week is going to take a lot of being brave. But I'm going to do it. And you know what? I think maybe, just maybe, this might turn out to be a good year, after all.
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