On Learning and Growing

This year has been one filled with learning and growing. The first half of the year was spent learning how to be in a committed relationship after 31 years by myself. And let me tell you, that's quite a thing to learn. I did learn a lot in that, and I did grow. It took a lot of courage, but regardless of how it turned out, I did it. Yeah, I kinda wish the whole thing had never happened, but I did grow. Whether or not it was worth it, remains to be seen. Right now, that answer is a resounding "no." But I'm leaving myself open to the possibility that maybe, it will have been worth it in the long run.

After that, it was really more surviving than learning and growing. But that counts. Through all of that, I learned that I could still survive something that was worse than anything else I had ever experienced. I did do some growing too, even in the midst of the surviving. I have had only one panic attack between June 26th and now, and that was August 27th. No panic attacks in four months, and only one in the last six? That's unheard of for me, between my Autism and PTSD and Anxiety disorder. And it's taken a heck of a lot of work. I also learned that I have a support network that is rare. I have so many people who have been rooting for me and encouraging me. Some I have known my whole life, like Melissa, Anne, and Angela, some who are old friends, like Amanda, Christi, and Brittany, some who are newer, like Rowena, Grace, and Chilan, and some, I haven't even met in person yet, like Kristen, Kelly, and Katie. 

I also learned how to find a job outside my field, how to hunt for, look at, reserve, and sign leases for an apartment. I learned how to reserve a U-Haul, how to move into a new place and settle in, with limited money and health- and some fairly severe new injuries, too. I also learned how to interview for a job just hours after a fairly serious accident, without letting on how much pain I was in. That was fun. In the most sarcastic sense of the word. I'm learning how to get around in the Denver area, and am able to go more and more places without directions. I'm learning about what things there are to do here, and where different neighborhoods are. I'm also learning I may want to move to a different area after my lease is up (this one is nice, it's just not around a lot of people and things). I have learned that contacts are best here, because the sun is so dang bright most of the time. Happily, I learned that I could get an awesome printer (wireless with multi-page feeding capacity AND double sided printing- I'm still geeking out over that) for an affordable price, AND set it up to talk to my computer. 

There's more that I have learned, but it would take too long to detail it all. But I think the most important thing is to learn and grow from our experiences. It can be painful as hell. And it can be effing scary. But at the end of the day, it's the learning and the growing that makes us into people worth being. It's the learning and the growing that gives us the hope that maybe, just maybe, things will get better. It's the learning and the growing that tells us how to proceed and where to go. I have no idea what this next year holds for me. But I guess that doesn't much matter, as long as I'm willing to continue learning and growing from the things that come my way. Because that's what matters most.