I write this with an empty PSL cup on my desk beside me. It's only September 19th, and I've already lost count of the PSLs I have consumed. On September 2nd, I got my first PSL of the season. I think I was halfway through before I realized that was my first PSL in 2 years. Last year, I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle a PSL, or making my yearly pumpkin and spiced fall things.
Of course, last year, I was in hell about this time. Making it even worse was the fact that the ex and I had started eagerly anticipating Fall and PSLs and pumpkin spiced everything in about...May. We kept talking about all the things I would make, and all the PSLs we'd get at Starbucks, and how the first PSL of the season should always be a day of celebration. We talked about picking apples and pumpkins, and doing all things Fall related. And then when Fall came, breathing was almost too much. Given my state of mental health last fall, and all the things I was dealing with, even on top of the breakup, it's no wonder that I couldn't manage a PSL. And that Fall itself was almost too much for me.
For a while, I kinda wondered if I would get that back. If I'd be able to fully enjoy PSLs again. Or if they'd always be sad to me. There are things that, even now, nearly 15 months out, and 7 months in to a new and awesome relationship, I still really can't deal with. Guardians of the Galaxy and Goonies are both kinda ruined, and I may never get either of those back. There are a couple songs I doubt I'll ever fully enjoy again. I'm getting to the place where Gremlins and Back to the Future and The Big Bang Theory and various other things are no longer huge, painful reminders. They carry with them mild to moderate pangs, but they're not the knife in the gut they used to be.
For this reason, I was really happy to realize, and to continually see, over the last 18 days, that a PSL is...a PSL to me. It's not a painful reminder. It's not even a very mildly uncomfortable reminder. It may seem petty that I place so much significance on enjoying a PSL. But really, it's a huge thing. Last year, I couldn't even deal with the thought of drinking one. It was far too painful. But this year, I've come a really long way. I've gotten to where I can order one and experience no more than a "Huh. Nope, nothing. This is really good."
And you know what? That's part of living a successful and fulfilling life. Recognizing that every victory, no matter how small it may seem, is, indeed, a victory. I think a lot of times, we sell ourselves short. We minimize the victories and milestones. We make victories insignificant, and discount the milestones. Every victory comes from a battle that could have been lost, but wasn't. Every milestone comes from a place that could never have been reached, but was. Plus, if you ask me, anything that involves drinking a PSL is a huge win.
I don't usually do this, but today, I'm going to end with a challenge to everyone reading this. What is a victory, a milestone, or an accomplishment that you have achieved, but have been downplaying? What is something good in your life that you've been minimizing, telling yourself it's not a big deal? STOP! Stop denying that whatever it is, isn't a big deal, and appreciate everything that got you through that victory or milestone or achievement. It's when we're able to fully appreciate the things that may seem small, that life suddenly becomes so much better.
Of course, last year, I was in hell about this time. Making it even worse was the fact that the ex and I had started eagerly anticipating Fall and PSLs and pumpkin spiced everything in about...May. We kept talking about all the things I would make, and all the PSLs we'd get at Starbucks, and how the first PSL of the season should always be a day of celebration. We talked about picking apples and pumpkins, and doing all things Fall related. And then when Fall came, breathing was almost too much. Given my state of mental health last fall, and all the things I was dealing with, even on top of the breakup, it's no wonder that I couldn't manage a PSL. And that Fall itself was almost too much for me.
For a while, I kinda wondered if I would get that back. If I'd be able to fully enjoy PSLs again. Or if they'd always be sad to me. There are things that, even now, nearly 15 months out, and 7 months in to a new and awesome relationship, I still really can't deal with. Guardians of the Galaxy and Goonies are both kinda ruined, and I may never get either of those back. There are a couple songs I doubt I'll ever fully enjoy again. I'm getting to the place where Gremlins and Back to the Future and The Big Bang Theory and various other things are no longer huge, painful reminders. They carry with them mild to moderate pangs, but they're not the knife in the gut they used to be.
For this reason, I was really happy to realize, and to continually see, over the last 18 days, that a PSL is...a PSL to me. It's not a painful reminder. It's not even a very mildly uncomfortable reminder. It may seem petty that I place so much significance on enjoying a PSL. But really, it's a huge thing. Last year, I couldn't even deal with the thought of drinking one. It was far too painful. But this year, I've come a really long way. I've gotten to where I can order one and experience no more than a "Huh. Nope, nothing. This is really good."
And you know what? That's part of living a successful and fulfilling life. Recognizing that every victory, no matter how small it may seem, is, indeed, a victory. I think a lot of times, we sell ourselves short. We minimize the victories and milestones. We make victories insignificant, and discount the milestones. Every victory comes from a battle that could have been lost, but wasn't. Every milestone comes from a place that could never have been reached, but was. Plus, if you ask me, anything that involves drinking a PSL is a huge win.
I don't usually do this, but today, I'm going to end with a challenge to everyone reading this. What is a victory, a milestone, or an accomplishment that you have achieved, but have been downplaying? What is something good in your life that you've been minimizing, telling yourself it's not a big deal? STOP! Stop denying that whatever it is, isn't a big deal, and appreciate everything that got you through that victory or milestone or achievement. It's when we're able to fully appreciate the things that may seem small, that life suddenly becomes so much better.
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