I woke up Sunday morning already in a decent mood (which is unusual for me!), because there was very little that could possibly happen to make this birthday worse than the last one. I mean, it could kinda suck, and it'd still be, hands down, way better than last year's. Last year, I spent my 32nd birthday in the car with my parents, driving from North Carolina to Cincinnati, taking as much Benadryl as I could to make me sleep, in more emotional pain than I had ever been in before in my life. And for someone who is a cult survivor with PTSD four times over, and who lost her brother at the age of 9 and is estranged from her sister, that's saying something. My ex had just told me the day before, after a month of agonizing waiting, that he was not planning on getting back together, and that he didn't even want to try and talk about things. We'd had such great plans for my birthday, and I had thought this was going to be the best birthday of my life. Instead, it was hands down, without any question, the absolute worst birthday of my life. And as Amanda pointed out to me on my birthday this year, I've had some pretty crappy birthdays. I spent my 32nd birthday in so much emotional pain that it physically hurt, and I wanted to die. I got so many texts and FB messages from people saying, "I really don't feel like I can wish you a happy birthday, but I didn't want the day to pass without acknowledging that I know it's your birthday."
This year, I was in a much better place. No, I'm not fully recovered, and as I have said before, I'm really not sure full recovery is actually possible from something like that. But I'm in a good place in life. I'm mostly happy with things. I live in an amazing city in a gorgeous state, with a ton of friends. I have this awesome boyfriend who loves me a lot, and whom I love a lot. I have a job which allows me to support myself for the first time in my life.
I got ready for the day, and met Andy, Skip, and Linda in the kitchen, waiting for me with birthday muffins. They sang "Happy Birthday," much to my chagrin, and Andy gave me my birthday present: this awesome reindeer leather and pewter bracelet! Seriously, guys. Does it get more Dauntless than this?
Andy and I headed to my cousin Anne's house, where my birthday party was being held. Anne was incredibly awesome and generous to offer to host my party so I could see a bunch of friends! Andy had already met my aunt Sandy and uncle Ron when they were in Colorado over Mother's Day, but he also got to meet my uncle Bob and aunt Judy (Anne's parents), and my cousin Jon's son, Nate, and Anne's 2 year old, Faye (who seriously looks just like a little elf, and is so freaking adorable). Faye liked Andy a bit, and kept telling everyone that she was going to share cake with Great Aunt (my mom- she calls my dad Great Uncle!). Amanda and Mike came with their girls, and my other bestie, Christi, drove all the way from Evansville, Indiana (3.5 hours!) for the party, and to meet Andy. Melissa and her husband, Jason, drove all the way from Indianapolis, as well- a solid 2 hour drive. Heather and Carrie also came, and I got to meet Heather's fiance, finally. They all got to talk to Andy for a while, and then all the guys at the table left, leaving me with five of my closest girlfriends, who of course then gave me a lot of straight talk about stuff with the ex, and how much better for me, and more mature, Andy is.
After the party, Andy and Christi and I went to Graeter's, since she had driven so far, and...why NOT?! We sat and ate our ice cream and chatted for a few hours, before Christi left for home, and Andy and I headed back to the house.
It was a good birthday. Not only was it a good birthday, but it was also so much better than the one before, and I loved getting to spend it with so many people I love, and with this amazing guy. I was able to receive birthday wishes and not feel devastated by them. Instead of holding on to hope that my next birthday will be better, in order to even live through the day, I was able to enjoy the day, and think, maybe next year will be better. But even if it's not, that's fine.
This year, I was in a much better place. No, I'm not fully recovered, and as I have said before, I'm really not sure full recovery is actually possible from something like that. But I'm in a good place in life. I'm mostly happy with things. I live in an amazing city in a gorgeous state, with a ton of friends. I have this awesome boyfriend who loves me a lot, and whom I love a lot. I have a job which allows me to support myself for the first time in my life.
I got ready for the day, and met Andy, Skip, and Linda in the kitchen, waiting for me with birthday muffins. They sang "Happy Birthday," much to my chagrin, and Andy gave me my birthday present: this awesome reindeer leather and pewter bracelet! Seriously, guys. Does it get more Dauntless than this?
Andy and I headed to my cousin Anne's house, where my birthday party was being held. Anne was incredibly awesome and generous to offer to host my party so I could see a bunch of friends! Andy had already met my aunt Sandy and uncle Ron when they were in Colorado over Mother's Day, but he also got to meet my uncle Bob and aunt Judy (Anne's parents), and my cousin Jon's son, Nate, and Anne's 2 year old, Faye (who seriously looks just like a little elf, and is so freaking adorable). Faye liked Andy a bit, and kept telling everyone that she was going to share cake with Great Aunt (my mom- she calls my dad Great Uncle!). Amanda and Mike came with their girls, and my other bestie, Christi, drove all the way from Evansville, Indiana (3.5 hours!) for the party, and to meet Andy. Melissa and her husband, Jason, drove all the way from Indianapolis, as well- a solid 2 hour drive. Heather and Carrie also came, and I got to meet Heather's fiance, finally. They all got to talk to Andy for a while, and then all the guys at the table left, leaving me with five of my closest girlfriends, who of course then gave me a lot of straight talk about stuff with the ex, and how much better for me, and more mature, Andy is.
After the party, Andy and Christi and I went to Graeter's, since she had driven so far, and...why NOT?! We sat and ate our ice cream and chatted for a few hours, before Christi left for home, and Andy and I headed back to the house.
It was a good birthday. Not only was it a good birthday, but it was also so much better than the one before, and I loved getting to spend it with so many people I love, and with this amazing guy. I was able to receive birthday wishes and not feel devastated by them. Instead of holding on to hope that my next birthday will be better, in order to even live through the day, I was able to enjoy the day, and think, maybe next year will be better. But even if it's not, that's fine.
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