One thing that many people don't know about me, is that I have a niece and nephew, and they are 19 and 16 years old. I was actually in the delivery room with my niece, and was the first person to hold her. My nephew was born three years later, but my sister and her family had moved to New Jersey by then. I was 16 when he was born, and I loved our visits to New Jersey and getting to spend time with Joshua and Gabriella. I looked forward to watching them grow up.
But sometimes, our plans don't pan out. Sometimes, life just happens.
I'm not going to go into this here, because I'm not interested in airing dirty laundry between my sister and myself. But we had a falling out nearly 6 years ago, and as a result, I had to give up my relationship with my niece and nephew, which I have absolutely hated. My parents still had a relationship with them, but I didn't. For years, I couldn't even listen to my parents talk about them. It was too hard; too painful. I felt awful about removing myself from their lives, but I really didn't have any other choice. It was what I had to do to survive.
In the last year or so, I've gotten to the point where I could handle having a relationship with them, and they're now old enough that I can have a relationship with them, without having anything to do with my sister. But I knew that I had, effectively, abandoned them. I didn't feel like it was right for me to just jump back into their lives because I wanted to. I'd thought about going to visit their dad, Johnny, and having a conversation with him about it. The best think I could think to do was to have someone else tell the kids that I was available and happy to have a relationship with them now, if they wanted one. But I was going to leave that up to them.
A few weeks ago, at the end of July, my parents went to Philadelphia to visit Joshua at his other grandmother's house. I asked my parents to tell Josh that I was sorry I just dropped out of his life, and that if he wanted a relationship, I'm available. I told them this the day they were flying up there. The very next day, I was sick, and I took a half day off of work. While I was driving home, I decided to call my parents and see if they could talk for a bit, to help keep me distracted from how crappy I felt, until I got home. As it so happened, when I called, they were just finishing up lunch with Joshua. I was talking to my dad, and heard Josh say, "Tell her I said hi." I heard my dad reply, "Tell her yourself." Half a second later, I heard this deep, young man's voice saying, "Hello?" I hadn't talked to my nephew since he was 10, and hadn't seen him since he was 7 or 8. I suddenly changed from my usually fairly cool demeanor to a blubbering aunt who almost couldn't handle the fact that she was finally talking to her long-lost nephew, who was no longer a little boy.
"Joshua?" I barely choked out, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, I'm crying. I can't help myself."
"Well it's been a long time since we've talked. I was a little boy. How old was I?"
"You were 10. Oh my gosh, how are you?" We went back and forth a little, and I asked about his sister, who is now a Sophomore in college (can't even deal with that!). Then I spent some time telling him that I was sorry I just dropped out of his life; that I never meant to abandon him. It had nothing to do with him, it was all about my relationship with his mom, and because he was so young, I couldn't have a relationship with him and his sister, but not with his mom. He said he knew, and he understood. I told him that the door to me is open now. If he wants to be FB friends, if he wants to talk to me ever, whatever he wants, I'm here.
We didn't talk terribly long, just a few minutes. And I cried the WHOLE time. I wish we'd had more time. But I do know that we'll talk again. And I hope I get to see him sometime soon.
I still felt sick the rest of the day, but I was kind of on Cloud 9 for the next two days. Finally getting to talk to him, hearing how he's turned out to be more or less the strong, level-headed young man I always thought he'd be, was amazing. And, knowing he understands, and he doesn't hate me.
I don't know how long it will be before I get to see him. I don't know when or if I'll get to talk to his sister. There are a lot of things I don't know. But for now, I'm just SO happy that after so many years, I finally got to talk to my nephew again. That right there kind of made my summer.
But sometimes, our plans don't pan out. Sometimes, life just happens.
I'm not going to go into this here, because I'm not interested in airing dirty laundry between my sister and myself. But we had a falling out nearly 6 years ago, and as a result, I had to give up my relationship with my niece and nephew, which I have absolutely hated. My parents still had a relationship with them, but I didn't. For years, I couldn't even listen to my parents talk about them. It was too hard; too painful. I felt awful about removing myself from their lives, but I really didn't have any other choice. It was what I had to do to survive.
In the last year or so, I've gotten to the point where I could handle having a relationship with them, and they're now old enough that I can have a relationship with them, without having anything to do with my sister. But I knew that I had, effectively, abandoned them. I didn't feel like it was right for me to just jump back into their lives because I wanted to. I'd thought about going to visit their dad, Johnny, and having a conversation with him about it. The best think I could think to do was to have someone else tell the kids that I was available and happy to have a relationship with them now, if they wanted one. But I was going to leave that up to them.
A few weeks ago, at the end of July, my parents went to Philadelphia to visit Joshua at his other grandmother's house. I asked my parents to tell Josh that I was sorry I just dropped out of his life, and that if he wanted a relationship, I'm available. I told them this the day they were flying up there. The very next day, I was sick, and I took a half day off of work. While I was driving home, I decided to call my parents and see if they could talk for a bit, to help keep me distracted from how crappy I felt, until I got home. As it so happened, when I called, they were just finishing up lunch with Joshua. I was talking to my dad, and heard Josh say, "Tell her I said hi." I heard my dad reply, "Tell her yourself." Half a second later, I heard this deep, young man's voice saying, "Hello?" I hadn't talked to my nephew since he was 10, and hadn't seen him since he was 7 or 8. I suddenly changed from my usually fairly cool demeanor to a blubbering aunt who almost couldn't handle the fact that she was finally talking to her long-lost nephew, who was no longer a little boy.
"Joshua?" I barely choked out, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, I'm crying. I can't help myself."
"Well it's been a long time since we've talked. I was a little boy. How old was I?"
"You were 10. Oh my gosh, how are you?" We went back and forth a little, and I asked about his sister, who is now a Sophomore in college (can't even deal with that!). Then I spent some time telling him that I was sorry I just dropped out of his life; that I never meant to abandon him. It had nothing to do with him, it was all about my relationship with his mom, and because he was so young, I couldn't have a relationship with him and his sister, but not with his mom. He said he knew, and he understood. I told him that the door to me is open now. If he wants to be FB friends, if he wants to talk to me ever, whatever he wants, I'm here.
We didn't talk terribly long, just a few minutes. And I cried the WHOLE time. I wish we'd had more time. But I do know that we'll talk again. And I hope I get to see him sometime soon.
I still felt sick the rest of the day, but I was kind of on Cloud 9 for the next two days. Finally getting to talk to him, hearing how he's turned out to be more or less the strong, level-headed young man I always thought he'd be, was amazing. And, knowing he understands, and he doesn't hate me.
I don't know how long it will be before I get to see him. I don't know when or if I'll get to talk to his sister. There are a lot of things I don't know. But for now, I'm just SO happy that after so many years, I finally got to talk to my nephew again. That right there kind of made my summer.
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