Snow Day Reminiscence

Wow, so it has been a LONG time since I have posted, and that's for a few reasons. 1. I've been a little distracted by a certain person lately. Yes, that's still going well. 2. I've actually been sick for the last week and a half, with a simple cold-turned-acute-viral-laryngitis-with-asthma-exacerbation. My voice has gone between slightly strained, Roz (ala Monster's, Inc.), James Earl Jones, and...threshold of death. 3. I have been experiencing a severe carpal tunnel flare-up in my right hand because of my job, and as a result, not only have I given my notice (I work next week, and then am done...currently looking for another job!), but I don't usually feel much like typing when I don't have to. Thrilling. Fortunately, the Prednisone I got for my laryngitis and asthma has helped my wrist, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to write a post or two.

Today, I woke up to a fresh blanket of snow, and more coming down. Still feeling wretched, and not having gotten much sleep (thank you, Asthma), the last thing I wanted to do was go to work. And snow days are the BEST days for lounging around in bed. But, one of the things my dad had to pass down to me was his work ethic. So, while calling in would have been ENTIRELY reasonable, between the snow and being sick, I didn't. I bundled up, put on my Jayne hat, and trounced off into the snow. The roads were a mess, and I got to work 6 minutes late, but my manager was just happy I got here at all. Usually, Friday mornings are hopping. But thus far, I have seen exactly one customer.

So I sit here, and think again, back to some of my favorite days of childhood. Somehow, when snow falls, all seems right with the world. It's always been like that for me. No matter what hell may be going on, snow softens the blow. Weeks ago, I posted about my favorite snow day memories, and my cousin Josh commented and reminded me of some others. Josh's grandmother, Ethel, is my mom's older and closest cousin. Josh and I are just a few weeks apart in age, and we were always around the Hitch family, so I became an honorary grandchild, and grew up closer to the Hitch clan than my own first cousins. Ethel and her husband, Ken, lived on a farm in Northern Kentucky, filled with lots of hills. They lived an hour away, but my family and I, and sometimes, I alone, could be found at The Farm at any given time, for any given reason.

Snow days at the farm were awesome. Ethel's daughter, Paula, lived on the farm as well with her 4 kids, her daughter Karin lived just down the road with her son, and her son Gerry, lived just in town, a few minutes away. All the kids would make their way to the farm, and we would go pick our sleds out of the big red barn, and pick our hill. Usually, it came down to the best hill that the cows were NOT on. Now let me tell you something about sledding in a cow pasture. It can get REALLY bumpy. Cow pies? Yeah...they freeze really hard, and you can't see them under the snow. It can make for some interesting times. Even if it's really cold, if the sun is hitting just right, it can kinda melt the cow pies, and then, well, let's just hope you don't end up wiping out on top of one. Cause that's almost worse than getting caught in the creek at McEvoy.

We'd pick our sleds and hill, and usually Ethel would come out with her video camera, all bundled up, and film us and our fun. For a few years, she'd even hop on a sled herself with us for a few runs. Sometimes, Deron and Andrew would make a ramp, and we'd have fun launching off of that. The little kids would usually climb on with a bigger kid, and we'd all do our best to bail before running into the brush and barbed wire at the bottom of the hill. After a while, we'd usually trudge through the snow to Paula's house, where she'd make us lunch- usually grilled cheese- and send us back outside to play. A few hours later, we'd go back, and she'd have freshly baked snickerdoodles and hot chocolate for us to eat. Then we'd usually go upstairs and watch a movie, or go to Ethel's and play Nintendo, or do...whatever.

By the time I was sledding at the farm, while I was still pretty young, my siblings were already gone. The vast majority of my adventures with the Hitch kids included just me. But they always welcomed me into their family and into their homes. I have countless memories with each of the kids, and at each of their houses. Sleepovers, wrestling matches, babysitting, bailing hay, climbing in the hay barn, Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving, Easter egg dying, corn picking and shucking, camping, bonfires, fireworks....you name it. For most of my life, the farm was always a safe and happy place, even for this confirmed city girl. Not that life there was perfect. It wasn't. But it was good.

Now we're all grown and gone. Every one of us. Even Nicholas, the baby, is in college. Several of us have one or more college degrees, two are married, one has a toddler, one has a baby on the way. One is in the Marines, and a couple are finishing up their degrees. We're all adults. We've all faced our struggles and our triumphs. A couple of us are approaching middle age faster than we'd like to admit. Ken has been gone for nearly three years, and Ethel just turned 80. Life goes on. But I'm always going to have those memories. I'll always remember sledding and snowball fights with the Hitch crew. That's one part of my childhood that remained mostly unsoiled by the traumas and horrors of life. They were always there when we needed them. The way the Hitch family took care of us when my brother died is something I'm never going to forget. The way they've always just included us. Included me.

So today, while I struggle to breathe, and force myself through my work day, and deal with my sore and swollen throat, I'll still look out the window and smile. I'll smile because I can't help but think about those days, sledding at McEvoy, and the farm. And those memories...those memories are, quite simply, good.

Day At the Museum

Saturday, Mandi and I met at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science, where they have an exhibit on the history of chocolate. We'd been planning to go all month, and as Jim and Knightly were spending the day together, that gave Mandi and me several hours. We walked through the exhibit, reading the different signs, and I found I was able to use my knowledge from a class I took in grad school, Latin American Colonial History, to help flesh things out for Mandi. I talked about the differences between the Aztecs (I have to note here that their real name is Mexica, but we call them Aztec), Maya, and Inca. Their religious beliefs, practices, and even a little, on their use of chocolate, and then the development of slavery with the "discovery" of North and South America. I also got to talk a bit about the use of slaves in growing sugar, and other such things. I don't get to talk about history like this nearly as much as I used to, so I had a TON of fun with it, and Mandi didn't seem bored, so I call that a win.

This is such a typical Mandi pose, I can't even get over it. Lol. Some things never change.

We walked out of the exhibit, and there was a little shop set up selling gourmet chocolates. Mandi bought us each two pieces, and they were divine. I also bought a mug that had a picture of a moose on it that said, "Chocolate Moose." I had to. See, when Mandi and I first met, waaay back in the summer of 1999, at Sound Foundations IX, when I was 16 and she was 14, I was going through a phase in which I called everyone, "dear." It annoyed Mandi, and, snarky as she has always been, she started calling me "Moose," and it stuck, for quite some time. Years. Because I was with Mandi at the exhibit and the mug was right there, I had to get it. Of course, I also bought a scholarly book on the history of chocolate. Because...what else would I do?

From there, we went on to the Egyptian exhibit, and then the space exhibit. We had a great time wandering about and talking, just us, for the first time in a very, very long time. We had lunch at Chipotle, and continued talking. About ATI, about how we have changed with time, about how relationships with human beings can be a challenge. I think for the first time since reuniting, I kind of felt like I had gotten my old best friend back. It was both so much like old times, and nothing like old times. Instead of being teenagers, or very early 20 somethings, we were both 30 somethings, living far away from our roots, making our own ways, having dealt with a lot more of life's hard knocks, and having settled into life. I think we're both much more centered than we were, way back when. We both still have things to deal with. But we're learning how to do that in a healthy, balanced way. Not like when we were younger.

The day was awesome. And I really look forward to seeing how our relationship progresses, now that we're solidly adults. I think moving to Denver is the best decision I have ever made. One of the best things about moving to Denver, has been being able to reconnect with Mandi. I really can't wait to see how life continues to unfold in the near future.

Adventures in Match.com: Part IV

This may be my last post on the topic for a while, or potentially forever, as things are looking pretty promising with one of the guys I met at a previous Match event. We went on a first date last night, and are definitely planning on more. But that is ALL I'm saying about that.

On Wednesday, I attended my fourth Match event. It was...interesting. This time, it was a speed dating event at the Hard Rock Cafe in LoDo. For this former fundie homeschooler, it was my first ever trip to the Hard Rock Cafe. As I walked up the stairs to where we were meeting, I laughed a little to myself about how horrified teenage me would have been, going into such an establishment. I really do NOT miss that life at all!

I ordered a drink, and sat down at a table with a girl, Arikka (pronounced "Erica") who looked to be about my age. We started talking and hit it off pretty well. She won massive points with me immediately by telling me I had lipstick on my teeth and needed to get rid of it. By the time we were separated for the speed awkwardness dating to begin, we decided that, if nothing else, she and I would be friends.

I was then ordered to my table, and we were instructed on what would happen: The women would stay seated, and the men would rotate around the room to us. We'd have five minutes to get to know each other, and then would be notified to move on. Some of those five minutes were really hilarious, and some were supremely awkward. One guy told me about how he was at the Broncos/Bengals game in December, and how he's really good at talking his way into things for free. Then he asked if I had any stories like his and I went..."Um...I broke a vertebra falling off the couch once..."

The evening ended, and I left without feeling like I'd met any possibilities in the relationship arena. I am glad, however, that it seems as though I got a new gal pal out of it. I'm not really bummed about not meeting any prospects, as it seems as though things might be blossoming with one particular person anyway. I'm not going to say much at all about how that all goes on here though. My friends can just deal with being blog fodder, but I'm not going to subject a poor guy to that right off the bat. Plus...I have to keep some mystery about my life, right?

Adventures in Match.com: Part III

Last night, I participated in my third Match.com event. This one was fascinating. It was a tour of Denver's former red light district, and various "haunted" places in LoDo. Our guide, Ren, was hilarious. We started out at the Blake Street Vault, which had originally been a brothel. This particular brothel was known for its discretion, and it had, I believe, six different tunnels leading to it from various hotels, as well as the capitol building. The tunnels, as well as the building itself, are said to be haunted. 

Once we left our starting point, we stopped at a corner a few blocks away, and Ren dramatically climbed onto a marble bench and declared that was her favorite stop, because she gets her own stage and spotlight. It was pretty amusing. While standing atop her platform, Ren told us the story of the Denver Strangler. He was basically the Denver version of Jack the Ripper, though a little less gruesome. This one didn't take out body parts. He did, however, only target prostitutes. He killed three before the killings mysteriously stopped, and shortly after, the Great Denver Fire broke out. It's assumed he died in the fire. As we walked away, I said to the guy standing next to me, "You don't think she likes her job at all, do you?" And he laughed and said, "No, not even a little!" We got to talking after that, and more or less kept a conversation going the rest of the evening. 

We ended at Union Station, which may as well be renamed "Hogwarts," for all of the apparent paranormal activity that goes on there. One particular story has to do with a little girl that haunts one of the bathrooms (she died in an electrical fire around 1910), and terrorized the maids so badly, they lost 5 maids in about 3 weeks. They finally solved that problem by always leaving the bathroom door open when they clean it, and always sending in two maids at a time. She apparently still haunts the bathroom, but doesn't terrorize them as much. Union Station has its very own Moaning Myrtle.

Chilan and Vien came with me on this adventure, and it was fun to have friends along for the ride, though Chilan kept wearing her skeptical scientist face. At different times, those of us on the tour would discuss how accurate these stories were. I said they were most likely legit. Any city more than a hundred or so years old has verified stories of unexplained phenomena. Now whether or not that's actually paranormal activity, is up to the individual to decide. We talked a little bit about different theories of time and space, and how that could explain things. Apparently, there's an apartment building near Cheesman Park in Denver that actually has a line in the lease saying you cannot break your lease because of paranormal activity. Because it happens SO MUCH there. Skeptic that I am, I don't know that I would sign that lease. 

At the end of the evening, I walked back to my car and headed home. It was a great evening, and I loved learning a little about the history and myths of Denver. I have heard from the guy I was talking to last night, and looks like we may be getting together soon. I actually have options right now. Two guys I'm interested in who are BOTH interested in me as well. Um. Huh? This formerly homeschooled courtship-committed girl doesn't even know what to do with herself right now! I have one more Match event coming up next week, and we'll see what happens. But so far, I'm 3 for 3 with these events, so if nothing works out with either of these guys, I'll probably keep going. I love feeling like I have options, and I love rising to the occasion and challenging myself to engage in social situations, which I have always shied away from in the past. For me, putting myself out there is definitely part of being Dauntless. But I'm looking those fears straight in the eye, turning my charm all the way up, and pushing forward. And I love it. 

Jumping Off of Balconies, and Other Tales

No, I'm not the one who jumped off a balcony, so just chill. I'll get to that in a bit.

Obviously, yesterday started off rough for me. It was hard just getting up and going, but I eventually managed it. I got to Mandi's, where I was greeted by a Knightly who told me he wasn't Knightly. He changed his identity about three times over the course of our time together, so I can't remember who he was at the moment. Mandi was in the kitchen making Jambalaya, with the adorable 4.5 month old Caleb (who she babysits for friends a few days a week) strapped to her chest. Caleb gave me the biggest grin when I said hello to him. It was adorable. We chatted for a bit while she cooked, and I told her about my mishap on my way to her house. It was definitely a classic Kit moment.

I had stopped by Sonic for a drink, and about a minute after I got it, I picked it up. Problem is, the lid wasn't on tightly, so it popped off. The issue with this, is that the full Sonic cups are so big, the lid is what helps stabilize them. The rim then collapsed in my hand, and a giant rip, about two inches long appeared, spilling Coke Zero and ice all. over. my. lap. Normally, I would have gotten another one. But given how my day was already going...I just couldn't. I put it down in the cup holder- which was about two inches deep in pop- and tried to brush all the ice off my lap onto the floor. So lovely. Mandi was very sympathetic, and offered for us to go to Sonic and get another. I declined.

We took a walk, and it was really nice. Knightly got some of his energy out, and Caleb stared at me the whole time. We saw a bunny (much more plentiful out here than in the Midwest and South!), and Knightly got excited. We talked about life, and some plans we've made to hang out in a couple weeks, and other such things. I got to feed Caleb his bottle when we got back inside, and it was awesome. It's been a LONG time since I've been able to feed a baby their bottle. As Mandi and I were talking, I said that I had already gotten a reputation at work for being a goody-two-shoes. As if on cue, Caleb started WAILING. Mandi took him, and we laughed. I told Caleb I'm sorry if he likes bad girls, but he should keep looking. :-p

Jim came home from work, then other people arrived for dinner, including Caleb's mom and dad. We happily ate Jambalaya and salad, drank some wine and limeaid, and we briefly talked about girl crushes. I said I had one on Anna Kendrick, and again, as if right on cue, Caleb started wailing. The theory is, the kid has a crush on me...

Just as we were finishing up dinner, there was an unexpected knock on the door. The woman knocking said, "Hi, um, we don't live here, we're visiting our son, and someone just jumped off the balcony, and we need someone to call 911. We don't know the address." We all traipsed across the hallway, and several of the others, one of whom is a nurse, went outside. I saw the girl who jumped- she was laying on her stomach, legs bent upwards at the knees, propped up on her arms, and holding up her head. Mandi and I went back inside, and Jim called 911. The paramedics and police came, and eventually, everyone came back in to finish their dinner. The girl and her boyfriend were giving conflicting stories, but it sounded like the boyfriend was being abusive, and she jumped from the second story balcony, trying to get away from him. He kept telling everyone she was mentally unstable, and there was nothing wrong with her. The paramedics took her to the hospital (though she was physically okay), and the cops were left talking with her boyfriend. That's all that happened, but it was definitely a unique experience.

After finishing dinner and Mandi's AMAZING walnut crust cheesecake, we chatted for quite a while, and the guys played an original Nintendo game on Jim's original Nintendo. Eventually, I headed home to go to bed. I was definitely feeling decidedly better than I had been feeling when I woke up. I went to sleep feeling relatively well, and woke up the same way. I have something to look forward to tonight (which will no doubt get a new blog post tomorrow), as well as over the next few days.

Sometimes, life sucks. Sometimes, it's almost unbearable. But thank goodness, I'm in a place where those really dark times usually only last a few hours, to maybe a day, at most. As long as I'm trending upwards, that's really all I can ask for. And it's good. 

Just Life

I've gotten to a better place. There's no doubting that. I can't say I'm happy about life overall, but it's definitely gotten better. Most of my days are okay. Some of my days are good. The bad days are fewer and farther between. Today is a bad day. It shouldn't be. I woke up after sleeping in, because I'm off today. I was behind on sleep, so I got caught up. I don't know what makes the difference between waking up happy or okay, and waking up sad. It's...something. Maybe it's emotional. Maybe it's chemical. Maybe it's a combination of the two.

I should be happy about some time to catch up on my online teaching, catch up on some cleaning around the house, and then going to Mandi's to hang out, and then have dinner with her family and some others. But I'm not. I'm just...overwhelmingly sad. It's frustrating, because I feel like I should have a specific reason for feeling like this. I don't. I have no idea why I feel like this. I know it's part of depression, which I definitely have. But so much of this just doesn't make a ton of sense. I suppose it is what it is. I just have to take the bad days with the okay days. Though it's days like this that I really miss having someone to hold me and tell me it's okay. To tell me they're here with me. That they love me and will help me through. It's something that makes all the difference in the world. And I really hope I get that again. For real though. Not just for a little while until they spook.

So how do I get through today? I guess...I work on my class, I get dressed, I get something to eat, and I go to Mandi's. I get a hug, I play with two happy little boys (Mandi watches another friend's baby a few days a week...), maybe manage a good talk with an old friend. Have a great dinner, go home, go to sleep, get up, and go to work and go through my day tomorrow. Sometimes, that's all we can do. It's not glamorous, it's just life. 

Adventures in Match.com: Part II

With both students and online dating members, I often find myself scratching my head and wondering why in heaven's name they thought xyz was a good idea. Sometimes, I wish I could see into their heads. Of course, then I realize I'm glad I can't, because, well...I'm pretty sure I'd be scarred for life.

One day recently, as I was perusing profiles, I came across one of a 42 year old, never married, single man from here in the Denver area. His profile seemed decent enough, and he was extremely good looking. So of course, I started wondering...how is it that he is this good looking, and has never been married? Well, about halfway through his "About Me" section, I figured it out. He said, "If you're divorced, don't bother, because you don't know Jesus, so you won't know me." And my mouth fell open. I thought, "I think I just figured out why he's still single..." I shared the quote on my friend Kelly's FB wall, as she is also a member of Match, and the conversation that ensued was awesome. What a jerk! Now, I understand where he's coming from, theologically, I really do. I used to be firmly in the no-remarriage-after-divorce-under-any-circumstances camp, though I firmly abandoned that particular ideal years ago. I get that certain interpretations of Scripture won't allow for remarriage. But to automatically say that the divorced person doesn't know Jesus? That's nowhere in any Bible I have read. In fact, sometimes, a person is divorced against their will. Or even for the personal safety of their kids or themselves. It takes two to make a relationship work, but as I have learned- long before my own relationship issues- it only takes one to tear a relationship apart. One person changes significantly or changes their mind, and there's nothing the other person can do about it. If someone is going to walk away, they're going to walk away. To then say that if you're divorced you don't know Jesus is an asshole move of the first degree. Seriously, dude. And then to say, "You don't know Jesus, so you won't know me"?! Woah. That is some serious pretention. I mean, okay, I get it if divorce is a deal breaker for you. I really do get it, and that's fine. But then to put it out there that you are SO much of a good Christian that if someone is divorced they won't be able to know you because they don't know Jesus? I could throw out a ton of Bible verses, but the most significant one that comes to mind is Micah 6:8b which says, "What  does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Last I checked, that kind of attitude doesn't fit with any kind of humility. So I happily moved on from that profile, to say the least. 

I could tell stories of other old guys hitting on me, but I covered that pretty well in the first installment, so I think I'll skip that one. On February 11th, I went to another mixer. I almost didn't go to this one, because it started 30 minutes before I even got off of work, and I was tired, and got there an hour and 20 minutes late. But I went in, and the ice breaker question for this one was, "What is the best gift you ever got?" I had to think for a minute, but I went with the elliptical my parents got me a couple Christmases ago. As soon as I put my name tag on and walked into the group, I saw Oscar, from a couple weeks ago. So I walked up behind him, and said to the girl he was talking to, "Is he bothering you? I know he can be SUCH a pain." He said hey and laughed, and the girl played along. It was kinda hilarious. So the girl kept talking to Oscar's friend (apparently, they always go to these things together), and Oscar started talking to me. His name tag said, "Nothing." When I asked him if that meant no one ever gave him anything good, he said he meant it in the Buddhist, "zen" kind of way. Just sitting, doing nothing, and breathing it all in. I said I should have known. We talked for a few minutes, then I moved on.

As I ordered a drink from the bar (I was drinking Coke that night...yes, I'm boring), I saw a very tall guy standing there awkwardly, holding a beer, and I couldn't see his name tag. He was wearing a Broncos hat, so I said to him, "You're a Broncos fan? So I take it you've been in a good mood all week..." We started talking about football- the Broncos, the Panthers, the Bengals, and the Steelers. About Super Bowls and quarterbacks, predictions and their results, head coaches and other coaches. I really shocked myself, because I realized after a while that I had actually carried on a 20 minute conversation about football...and it actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about. I mean, I've been able to do that with baseball my whole life. But never football. I guess I've finally accumulated enough knowledge to have a semi-intelligent conversation about the sport. Who knew? We moved on to talk about other things for a while, and kinda hit it off. He finally left, and said he wanted to talk to me some more. After I got home, he sent me a message, and we've spent the last few days chatting. Whether or not anything pans out there (though there is definitely mutual interest), it's at least been a big confidence booster. 

Once Broncos guy left, I started talking to another guy I had overheard tell someone he was a biologist, teaching high school. So I asked him about it, and he said he specialized in human anatomy and physiology, and proceeded to tell me about his thesis, which was all about the mechanics of how eating leafy green vegetables can lower your blood pressure. I was actually fascinated, but I'll just give you all this nugget of advice: eat lots of leafy green vegetables, and don't brush your teeth for several hours after. Don't use mouth wash either. The magic happens in the organic compounds left behind in your mouth, and what your saliva does to them, and then later deposits into your bloodstream. Anyway, biology guy and I talked for a while, and he said he taught online. So we then swapped horror stories of teaching online, which was fun. Turned out, he was also a competitive swimmer, which I was as well, so we chatted about that as well. I finally left, and nothing came of that conversation, which I didn't really expect anyway, but it was good practice, and again, a good confidence booster.

The last few days have consisted mostly of chatting with Broncos guy, and some texting back and forth with a guy from the mixer a few weeks back. I'm in a good place with all of this. Every time I talk to a guy, go to a mixer, etc., I don't even think about him. I thought I'd always be comparing everyone to him. But I'm not. And it feels really, really good. I'm excited to keep moving forward, and seeing what the future has in store for me.